Clair Baker

Clair Baker

A very moving account @kaebess, my condolences to you and yours for your loss.

Some years ago at a party of old friends it was obvious that one of our gang wasn’t right, he looked pasty, skin like wet dough, and it was alcohol that was doing the damage. We, his friends, talked about it after and pressed him to get help, and he did, although it took months, and he’s now in permanent recovery. His was a vodka habit, two bottles a day, and it was a hard one to break no matter that it was killing him. My part was to meet him for lunch every week after his treatment session and I gave up my own drinking for six months in solidarity. This July he will have been dry for ten years, and we still meet for lunch most weeks. In the intervening years he’s done so much new stuff, travelling, expanded interests, different work, volunteering, etc.

I suppose what I’m saying is that I totally agree with your point at the end of your post @kaebess, that anyone who has a friend who looks like they’re sinking into problems, shouldn’t be afraid to interfere. That’s what friendship is about, and getting on someone’s case is the right thing to do.
 

Clair Baker

Clair was a good soul @kaebess, I used to speak to her when she visited your mum on the estate and asked how she was doing and had known her since the days she wanted to play football with all of us boys over the park in the late 70s, she was the only girl who wanted to pit her wits against us all.
I knew Clair was also a great negotiator at WB as we were in the same industry.
Respect and my condolences to you mate, life is about painting colour on the canvas and leaving good impressions.
Clair achieved that and more. RIP.
 

Clair Baker

coconino said:
A very moving account @kaebess, my condolences to you and yours for your loss.

Some years ago at a party of old friends it was obvious that one of our gang wasn’t right, he looked pasty, skin like wet dough, and it was alcohol that was doing the damage. We, his friends, talked about it after and pressed him to get help, and he did, although it took months, and he’s now in permanent recovery. His was a vodka habit, two bottles a day, and it was a hard one to break no matter that it was killing him. My part was to meet him for lunch every week after his treatment session and I gave up my own drinking for six months in solidarity. This July he will have been dry for ten years, and we still meet for lunch most weeks. In the intervening years he’s done so much new stuff, travelling, expanded interests, different work, volunteering, etc.

I suppose what I’m saying is that I totally agree with your point at the end of your post @kaebess, that anyone who has a friend who looks like they’re sinking into problems, shouldn’t be afraid to interfere. That’s what friendship is about, and getting on someone’s case is the right thing to do.
Click to expand...
Been trying to get the right words to reply to your post. I can’t .
All I can say is thank you to you and your friends on behalf of us all. Wish that there were more people like you all. Unbelievable love and respect.❤️
 

Clair Baker

Mick.C said:
Clair was a good soul @kaebess, I used to speak to her when she visited your mum on the estate and asked how she was doing and had known her since the days she wanted to play football with all of us boys over the park in the late 70s, she was the only girl who wanted to pit her wits against us all.
I knew Clair was also a great negotiator at WB as we were in the same industry.
Respect and my condolences to you mate, life is about painting colour on the canvas and leaving good impressions.
Clair achieved that and more. RIP.
Click to expand...
Thank you for sharing and your wonderful words as always.
 

Clair Baker

Thank you for sharing your sister's life story. A real tribute to your sister who was an inspiration to many people who crossed her path. Unfortunately, alcoholism is an addiction that can destroy lives and have a dramatic effect on other members of the family. My thoughts are with you at this sad time of loss.
May she rest in peace.
 

Clair Baker

kaebess said:
My sister- Just 55 years young.

I wanted to share part of her life, her football journey, for my therapy, but also it was part of her life that many of her friends did not get, or understand.

Clair’s sports journey started like so many of us at school. Me being a few years older, playing as much sport as possible, as soon as she joined Chiswick school she was put forward for all the sports teams. She excelled at Hockey playing to a reasonable level. Unfortunately like so many when she left school that was it. But that team ethic was there.

Football was never part of her interest, she first went to Brentford in the mid nineties after I had moved down to the south coast, for work, with a young family. I missed going with me dad, dad missed going, him not being able to walk far, she went as his carer, sitting in the front row in Braemar. Within a couple of games she was hooked. being able to let all the week out, the humour, the language, the team, the part of being of one, all together, no matter how bad the football was in them dark days, she loved it. They went together for well over a decade until my dad passed away. She soon realised that she missed the football. She moved to the New Road, behind the away dugout, to sit close to a friends son. He was and still is exception kind, making sure she was always part of it all. In later years when I wanted to sit, I was lucky enough to join them for a few years before we all moved to the Gtech. Clair has had a ( she still has one in the dugout ) season ticket for nearly 30 years. Later she may not have come to every game as her problems had started.

Away from football, she could play the flute, she could play to concert performance levels. She gave time, even with no kids, to the scouts, because she liked giving, seeing others enjoying themselves.
Work wise she had some very responsible jobs. She became qualified as an engineer ( she was the first female student, the college had to build female facilities for her ). She worked at the National Physical Laboratory in Teddington, soon realising that she like to communicate more. She retrained to become a qualified buyer. Working for Nestle, British Airways, Centrica, BUPA, Imperial Tobacco, Grants Whisky, all in a non operational, buying role. Her favourite job though where she spent most of her time was Warner Brothers. She was buying team lead for the building of the Harry Potter centre in north London. She negotiated the contracts for everything from the concrete for the foundations to the wands that are sold in the gift shop, signing off on 100’s of millions of spend. Her office in London, she sat next to the original Nimbus 2000 broom stick, she was so proud when the centre opened. Just want to give you some perspective of her capabilities.

What went wrong? It’s was Alcohol. However much she gave, achieved, it never seemed enough. She never seem to be totally happy, always wanting more. Over the last few years she had a stomach by pass ( going private to get round the waiting and psychological assessments required ) to lose weight. She lost about 75 kilos in a year. The real issue was never tackled. A couple of years ago just after our mum passed she got married, hoping that was the answer, it wasn’t. He couldn’t cope but didn’t ask for help. It was only recently I found out he never moved in.
In the last couple of weeks digging around. I have found shopping bills ( all delivered ), she brought 7 bottles of wine a day, everyday, for the weeks I checked. I just never knew it was that bad. She was great at hiding it all. Then a few weeks ago her liver just packed up.

What I am struggling with is, someone clear smart, kind, giving, thoughtful of others, always time for her friends, can allow themselves to abuse their own bodies in this way. Just not being able to stop. I like a drink but ???? If anyone reading this knows someone, or are themselves drinking to excess, I plead with you, confront it/ them, get it out there, look for help, get help, stick with people who can help on a daily basis.

If you have got this far, thank you for reading part of my therapy. One last thing. Give it all for the boys tomorrow I know if Clair was there she would be giving the team her all.

Rest in peace my little sister.
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Condolence to you and your family.
I went to Chiswick School and knew Clair and over the years we met occasionally. I have fond memories of Clair and extremely saddened by this news. Thank you for writing this and bringing her memory alive for us, it brought a smile and a tear. RIP Clair. With much sympathy, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
 

Clair Baker

Thoughts go out to you and all the family at this very sad time,the memories that you have shared will help you and your highlighting the alcohol is a subject very close to my journey in life with my sister who has also passed away.
 

Clair Baker

Clair Baker who went to Isleworth Blue School ? if it is the same Clair I went to school with her same class the works jeez so sorry to hear this life is just too short RIP
 

Clair Baker

To Bee Someone said:
I hope @kaebess doesn't mind me sharing this. A wonderful send off for Clair today at last. Plenty of Bees scarves and shirts in the chapel. A lovely service and a beautiful bit of sunshine today to say goodbye. She was/is loved, there is no doubt about it
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Thank you.

The sun was out, beautiful day. Great send off, lots of loved shared for Clair. Looking down from above she would have seen it all.
 

Clair Baker

kaebess said:
My sister- Just 55 years young.

I wanted to share part of her life, her football journey, for my therapy, but also it was part of her life that many of her friends did not get, or understand.

Clair’s sports journey started like so many of us at school. Me being a few years older, playing as much sport as possible, as soon as she joined Chiswick school she was put forward for all the sports teams. She excelled at Hockey playing to a reasonable level. Unfortunately like so many when she left school that was it. But that team ethic was there.

Football was never part of her interest, she first went to Brentford in the mid nineties after I had moved down to the south coast, for work, with a young family. I missed going with me dad, dad missed going, him not being able to walk far, she went as his carer, sitting in the front row in Braemar. Within a couple of games she was hooked. being able to let all the week out, the humour, the language, the team, the part of being of one, all together, no matter how bad the football was in them dark days, she loved it. They went together for well over a decade until my dad passed away. She soon realised that she missed the football. She moved to the New Road, behind the away dugout, to sit close to a friends son. He was and still is exception kind, making sure she was always part of it all. In later years when I wanted to sit, I was lucky enough to join them for a few years before we all moved to the Gtech. Clair has had a ( she still has one in the dugout ) season ticket for nearly 30 years. Later she may not have come to every game as her problems had started.

Away from football, she could play the flute, she could play to concert performance levels. She gave time, even with no kids, to the scouts, because she liked giving, seeing others enjoying themselves.
Work wise she had some very responsible jobs. She became qualified as an engineer ( she was the first female student, the college had to build female facilities for her ). She worked at the National Physical Laboratory in Teddington, soon realising that she like to communicate more. She retrained to become a qualified buyer. Working for Nestle, British Airways, Centrica, BUPA, Imperial Tobacco, Grants Whisky, all in a non operational, buying role. Her favourite job though where she spent most of her time was Warner Brothers. She was buying team lead for the building of the Harry Potter centre in north London. She negotiated the contracts for everything from the concrete for the foundations to the wands that are sold in the gift shop, signing off on 100’s of millions of spend. Her office in London, she sat next to the original Nimbus 2000 broom stick, she was so proud when the centre opened. Just want to give you some perspective of her capabilities.

What went wrong? It’s was Alcohol. However much she gave, achieved, it never seemed enough. She never seem to be totally happy, always wanting more. Over the last few years she had a stomach by pass ( going private to get round the waiting and psychological assessments required ) to lose weight. She lost about 75 kilos in a year. The real issue was never tackled. A couple of years ago just after our mum passed she got married, hoping that was the answer, it wasn’t. He couldn’t cope but didn’t ask for help. It was only recently I found out he never moved in.
In the last couple of weeks digging around. I have found shopping bills ( all delivered ), she brought 7 bottles of wine a day, everyday, for the weeks I checked. I just never knew it was that bad. She was great at hiding it all. Then a few weeks ago her liver just packed up.

What I am struggling with is, someone clear smart, kind, giving, thoughtful of others, always time for her friends, can allow themselves to abuse their own bodies in this way. Just not being able to stop. I like a drink but ???? If anyone reading this knows someone, or are themselves drinking to excess, I plead with you, confront it/ them, get it out there, look for help, get help, stick with people who can help on a daily basis.

If you have got this far, thank you for reading part of my therapy. One last thing. Give it all for the boys tomorrow I know if Clair was there she would be giving the team her all.

Rest in peace my little sister.
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Hi Keith,
What a beautiful tribute. I was so sad to hear the news about Clair. My mum shared this post with me yesterday. I have very fond memories of her when we were growing up in Woodland Gardens, we always had a good laugh and this news came as such a shock.
My eldest son is a drug addict and alcoholic, he's 35 now and was living on the streets for many years so I had no idea where he was. It amazes me he's still alive, you never know when that phone call will come. I know only too well what addiction does to families. He's been on methadone for about 4 1/2 years and has tried to give up drinking but it's very tough. I speak openly about it because I think it's important to remove the stigma around addiction as it can happen to anyone and probably affects far more families than we realise. I've been going to a support group for drug and alcohol carers with Carer's Support West Sussex since 2010 and they have been brilliant. It's always there at the back of your mind.
I moved down to the south coast in 1986 and have been living in Bognor too since 2017. I sent you a message on messenger and I'm here if you ever want to talk to someone who understands.
Sending love to you Keith and Viv and your family.
Take care.
Helen (nee Johnson) xxx
 

Clair Baker

Sorry to hear about your struggles @helen especially with your son. Addiction is tough. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat or pass my details onto your son. I do lots of things that keep me well.
I miss my mate Clair but she would want me to live my life to the full.
 

Clair Baker

helen said:
Hi Keith,
What a beautiful tribute. I was so sad to hear the news about Clair. My mum shared this post with me yesterday. I have very fond memories of her when we were growing up in Woodland Gardens, we always had a good laugh and this news came as such a shock.
My eldest son is a drug addict and alcoholic, he's 35 now and was living on the streets for many years so I had no idea where he was. It amazes me he's still alive, you never know when that phone call will come. I know only too well what addiction does to families. He's been on methadone for about 4 1/2 years and has tried to give up drinking but it's very tough. I speak openly about it because I think it's important to remove the stigma around addiction as it can happen to anyone and probably affects far more families than we realise. I've been going to a support group for drug and alcohol carers with Carer's Support West Sussex since 2010 and they have been brilliant. It's always there at the back of your mind.
I moved down to the south coast in 1986 and have been living in Bognor too since 2017. I sent you a message on messenger and I'm here if you ever want to talk to someone who understands.
Sending love to you Keith and Viv and your family.
Take care.
Helen (nee Johnson) xxx
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Thank you Helen,
I wish I knew where best to start. Anyway one at a time. Where you talk about your son and not knowing where he is. I don't think I could cope with that. The resilience and strength you have is incredible. I hope I read it right that he is improving and all be it difficult you are in full contact with him now ?
Yes everyone needs to be brave to talk about these issues, there is no shame in it. Since I have gone through this, I don't think I have spoken with anyone that does not have one or both of these issues within their social or family groups, its everywhere, most of it hidden behind closed doors. Not until it is out in the open with the enormity of the issue be seen and then it will become a priority that cant be ignored.
I will also send you a private message but such a big thank you and lots of love for taking the time to get in contact. Plus lots of love to your mum, she was very good to me and helped me a lot when I was much, much younger
 

Clair Baker

To Bee Someone said:
Sorry to hear about your struggles @helen especially with your son. Addiction is tough. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat or pass my details onto your son. I do lots of things that keep me well.
I miss my mate Clair but she would want me to live my life to the full.
Click to expand...
Thank you, yes life is short and it's important to make the most of every day. My son is in London, where are you based?
 

Clair Baker

kaebess said:
Thank you Helen,
I wish I knew where best to start. Anyway one at a time. Where you talk about your son and not knowing where he is. I don't think I could cope with that. The resilience and strength you have is incredible. I hope I read it right that he is improving and all be it difficult you are in full contact with him now ?
Yes everyone needs to be brave to talk about these issues, there is no shame in it. Since I have gone through this, I don't think I have spoken with anyone that does not have one or both of these issues within their social or family groups, its everywhere, most of it hidden behind closed doors. Not until it is out in the open with the enormity of the issue be seen and then it will become a priority that cant be ignored.
I will also send you a private message but such a big thank you and lots of love for taking the time to get in contact. Plus lots of love to your mum, she was very good to me and helped me a lot when I was much, much younger
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Thanks Keith. You don't really have a lot of choice! Carer's support have been brilliant and taught me the importance of taking care of myself. I am in contact with him, he's a lot better but I just take each day as it comes.
Around the time he left home at the age of 18 I learned to meditate and it has literally saved my life. It was easy to see my own addictive tendencies and I sometimes think there but for the grace of god go I. I could have very easily gone down that route after my divorce.
 

Clair Baker

helen said:
Thank you, yes life is short and it's important to make the most of every day. My son is in London, where are you based?
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I'm in Isleworth too. I wouldn't be surprised if our paths have crossed
 
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